Screen Time and Kids: Balancing the Benefits and Struggles

Lynn Smith: We are well into our second season on this podcast and today we're going to tackle your number one most requested topic. Can you guess? It's screen time. No matter how hard you try or what your preconceived notions were about screen time before you had kids, screens are an inevitable part of our daily lives. To help set the stage for what screen time conversations look like for today's families, we're going to open things up with a round table discussion with three moms who are in the thick of navigating screen time conversations with their kids who range in age from 2 to 14. We'll then welcome pediatrician Dr. Stan Sonu, who serves as Child Advocacy Medical Director for Strong4Life.

 

By the end of this episode, we hope you'll feel less alone in your journey to navigate conversations about screen time and devices. Our goal is to leave you with insight and rationale that will help you feel more empowered with your kids and the villages you partner with on your parenting journey. It's my pleasure to welcome Meredith, Marquita, Wendy and Dr. Stan Sonu to the show. Thank you for joining us today. We wanted to get the conversation started by talking to parents who are in the thick of screen time challenges right now.

 

Before we dive into more of the science behind these digital addictions and how they affect the emotional wellness of kids and their parents, we want to hear from you three. Meredith, you're a mom to two preschool age girls. Marquita, you've got a fourth grader and a pair of sixth graders. And Wendy, you have a teen and preteen. I also want to call out that all three of you are working moms whose workday home is within the walls of Children's. You're generally more familiar with screen time resources than maybe the rest of the general public, and yet you still feel the pressures that come with balancing the benefits of screen time and the struggles that also come along with it.

Meredith, thanks for being here. I want to start with you. You're in the early stages of navigating screen time. Me too. I have a 5 and 7 year old, and it's just never easy. Tell us a little bit more about your girls and how do screens fit into your daily routines?

Meredith Huffaker: I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old, that's turning 5 next week. We try to limit screens as much as we can at home. Usually if there's a road trip, we allow them to have screens mainly for our sanity. Just recently we went on a three hour road trip and my daughter can be pretty content if she's watching a movie in the back seat. It makes the trip just so much easier. They're not constantly asking for things or yelling about something or crying about something. And my older daughter, it can keep her attention. My younger daughter, not as much. She starts pressing all the buttons and messing things up and needing help. But it still is just a way for us to be able to drive and not feel like we're about to pull our hair out.

Lynn Smith: That's the thing, right? It gives us a break, but the reason that we're here today is we're going to ask the question, especially of our experts, “Is that a good thing for them?” Meredith, you noticed some challenging behavior that follows when you say, “Okay, time to turn off the screens.”

Meredith Huffaker: Coming back from a road trip, I am seeing those effects of that screen time. Since we were traveling, there might have been a little bit more screen time than normal outside of the car. The first couple of days back have been tough. My older daughter's struggling. She has a lot more outbursts after she has a lot of screen time. She feels like she is now entitled to get that screen time, all the time. She gets used to it in such a very short amount of time. We're going to school. We're not going to turn on a movie. We have to remind her and get back in the groove of not having that screen time all the time. It helps us in that little short period of time, but then the consequences from it is what we struggle with.

Lynn Smith: Marquita, I want to get your take. You're a little bit further down the parenting journey. You have children in elementary and middle school. What does it look like for you? Do you have this kind of family dynamic where screen time plays a huge role?

Marquita Kirk: Yes, I do. I am a mother of three children— a set of fraternal twins, age 9, and my oldest son is 11. Now that they're in fourth grade and middle school, and we've incorporated recreational activities into their daily routine, we're typically home at 7:30 p.m., and their bedtime during the week is 8:30 p.m. After mealtime and bath time, there's only 15 minutes left for them to have screen time, and that's become a challenge. Oh, and then I forgot homework. They have to do their homework, as well.

Lynn Smith: Isn't it interesting, even just talking to two of you, that the screen time is like a relief for us parents, but then it throws something else into the dynamic of an already chaotic situation of our daily lives as parents? Wendy, I'm particularly excited to hear from you because quite literally you helped write the book on screen time tips for parents. I hear from you in the notes that I've read about your background that those tips that you wrote become harder and harder to maintain as your boys got older and also the social influence of peers taking a greater hold. Tell me a little bit about that.

 

Wendy Palmer: I have two boys. They're 12 and 14 and certainly educating parents and families on screen time has been a core function in my job here at Children's for well over a decade. Transitioning through parenting phases, you recognize how challenging it is to put those recommendations into practice, even in your own home when you're faced with all of the influences of peers and outside sources. For us, screen time was always something we focused on, making sure there were routines and boundaries around how it was used in our home, as well as out of our home. To this day, we still don't have screens in the bedroom. We don't use screens during mealtime, when you're at the dinner table together.

 

For me, the biggest challenge really came when both of my boys were wanting to have a phone, and that replaced all other screens for them. Prior to that, we had the tablets, and they had television in the living room where they could find a movie. The phone presented this new and very difficult to manage challenge for us. The pressure for that really came from my kids and from their peers at school who all had phones already—many of them having phones in third, fourth and fifth grade.

 

It was a challenge for my husband and I to continue to hold out on getting them a phone because that was the way that their peers were communicating with each other. When we were younger, we might have used a telephone to call a friend. That is unheard of today. They're not doing that. They're on different social media apps, which we also held out on. Text messaging was a form of communication to start with. My oldest is in high school. He's a ninth grader now. For him to not be able to communicate on social media apps with his peers, we've had to navigate that and what that looks like. It has become a full-time job sometimes to help them navigate this experience.

 

While there are so many guidelines out there, there's so much evidence to support how we use screens. It is a parenting challenge, and we're navigating it together at the same time. Giving ourselves some grace to figure that out is really important and giving our kids some grace to navigate that, too. One of the things I've learned is we can't just forbid it. We cannot just say, “You can't have social media,” or “You can't have screens,” because it does have an impact on their social interaction with their peers.
 

Lynn Smith: That's something that boggled my mind. My second grader is already asking for a phone and I'm thinking to myself, “How is this possible? How am I going to hold out?” You held out to the sixth grade. How did you do that? There must have been so much pressure, and you brought up the impact on peer relationships. Did you notice anything with your children that they had a harder time with socialization because they didn't have a phone until the sixth grade?
 

Wendy Palmer: Prior to that, no, and that was our leg to stand on. They saw their friends at school. They saw their friends outside of school, at sports practice, etc. Just like Marquita, we maintain a bedtime, so there wasn't a lot of time outside of those things for the screen time to funnel in, but for them, it was somewhat just us trusting them—them gaining some independence. Even when we first got them a phone, we wouldn't let them take it to school, which that was another battle. It was just battle after battle with the boundaries and the rules and helping them navigate the why. “Why are we setting these limits and boundaries for you? We're really trying to protect you, and we feel strongly about encouraging real, authentic relationships and want to make sure we continue to develop that.”

 

Lynn Smith: Ladies, thank you so much for sharing some of your insight and your family dynamics. I want to now bring in Dr. Sonu because you bring to this conversation not only your background, you're a pediatrician by trade and a Medical Director of Child Advocacy at Children's, but you also offer insight into some of the mechanics like brain chemistry that are associated with screen time. You just heard the challenges shared by today's guests. I understand you are a dad to a 4 year old and an 8 year old. Tell me what exactly have you done that has set boundaries and limits, and what impact have you seen on your own children?

 

Dr. Sonu: Yes, this is such a hot button issue. It's one of the greatest challenges of modern-day parenting. Routines and boundaries are the name of the game. There's some freedom within that for every family to think about what are feasible or reasonable routines. What are the boundaries that would work for our family? The key is consistency. I'm a parent before I'm a pediatrician and Wendy, I've read my share of the literature and I know what the American Academy of Pediatrics 2016 guidelines state, and yet it's hard to always apply those guidelines to every real life situation.

 

The first thing that I would offer is we need to show a little bit more grace to ourselves and realize that we're all trying to figure this out. One thing I'll say about screens and social media is that these devices, these platforms were designed by people with the intention of maximizing engagement. That’s an important reality. They want us to be addicted to it. I know I am when I'm scrolling up. We're adults, and we never had it when we were kids. Imagine when your brain's developing. Those of us who are Gen X or millennials, who had childhoods that were mostly analog and then lived through this transition of the digital revolution, we know what it feels like. The jolt of adrenaline, the gripping kind of attention that these devices demand on us.

 

What has worked for our family is to talk about the boundaries that we're going to have based on our children's ages different. My 8year old, he gets to do some things different than our 4 year old when it comes to screens and that's okay. We have routines around those boundaries, and we try to stick with them as much as possible. My wife is much better at maintaining those boundaries than I am, and I have to give credit to her for that.

Lynn Smith: And all of the moms on here mentioned about how challenging it still is, even with the boundaries and routines that we put in place. And Dr. Sonu, you mentioned about the brain chemistry, and that there are effects. I want to dig into that a little bit more because we know that it has an effect on us as adults. Sometimes I have a hard time coaching myself out of getting off of the scroll. For children, what does it do to their brains? Not just social media, but even just a tablet that you're sitting on for three hours, especially with developing brains. What does that look like? What is it doing to their brains?
 

Dr. Sonu: It goes back to the intention behind these devices and platforms. What Meredith described earlier, when her children come off these devices, there's this sort of discreet change in their behavior. They’re moody. It's like withdrawing from digital opioids or digital heroin.

 

First of all, most of childhood is a stage in which the prefrontal cortex or the area of our brain that's in charge of planning and self-control and perspective taking, empathy, problem solving. That is still relatively underdeveloped, and that really gets kick started in adolescence. Children are full of limbic system energy. They are emotional, they think emotionally, and that is the part of their brain that is most highly active. And these devices and platforms are amazing at producing or releasing dopamine within the brain. That feeling when dopamine floods our nervous system and the different aspects of our brain, feels amazing. It feels great, feels right, and sometimes euphoric. It feels so good when we have that dopamine release. Now, what Meredith is describing is funny because just the other day I was talking with my wife and that's one of the things that we both realized that if our children have an extended period of being on the screens, when we shut it off, someone's throwing a tantrum. Someone is moody. There's someone who doesn't want to do what we're asking of them—setting the table or cleaning their room before dinner. That is indicative of this kind of withdrawal effect.

 

We've probably felt it before. I remember when I was a teenager, and I would watch a really long movie in the theater. I would come out of the theater after the movie is over, and I would just have this feeling. I was crummy. I was a bit cranky, moody. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't sleepy. I was just in a mood, and I just wanted to go home. I didn't want to do anything else, and I think that's what it feels in a more condensed version for our children when they come off these screens. Fortunately, I think most of them are able to regulate after some time, but it's very predictable that children, when they come off these devices and suddenly that stimulus that was causing that dopamine release is taken away for them, feel lost in that moment.

Lynn Smith: Okay, when you said digital heroin … moms, were you with me of when he was describing all of this, and you're shaking your head yes, and you're smiling because you know he's exactly right, that makes us all want to take the phones and tablets and TVs and throw them out the window? It is so frustrating. That's why we're doing this. Do any of the moms have a question? We’ve gone through so much, and I have a million questions, but is there anything that's burning for you guys?
 

Wendy Palmer: Hearing Dr. Sonu talk about the impact on a developing brain just puts a different perspective to how, as a parent, you may interpret the use of screen time. I also want to acknowledge that's happening to us as adults, too. The challenge is role modeling to some extent and how do we as parents do a better job of role modeling this when, as many of the moms have mentioned, sometimes we just need a short break? It's hard to not feel guilty about that when you understand the impact on brain chemistry. Dr. Sonu, do you have thoughts on that?

Dr. Sonu: Oh, you're absolutely right, Wendy. We're human beings, and we have a lot of the same brain chemistry that our children have. I think one of the ways social media and screens are used in adults, in particular, is what we've alluded to, they're quick ways to self soothe. That's on one end of the spectrum. I don't think that is necessarily a problem or anything to feel bad about, but on the other extreme, these devices can sometimes serve as ways to disengage, to disconnect, to avoid dealing with stress. There are times when we just need a break, right? I'm not talking about that in a negative way. When it becomes a pattern, when there's a sort of currents, and we're chronically disengaging. The way that we deal with life's challenges, non-specifically, is to go on the phone or to zone out or to tune everybody out. That can be a signal of a deeper problem if the entire family is on their screens when they're in the home together, when they're outside together at all times, when they're awake, when there's less and less dialogue happening between family members. I think that can serve as a signal that there might be some deeper things going on—even as the parents, as adults.

A good question to ask is, “What purpose do these screens or social media have? Is it filling in my life? Am I coming to this with a full cup, and I'm feeling okay about myself and my situation in life?” Or, “Am I logging on because there's something else I don't want to think about right now that's really difficult or painful or stressful?” In some ways, the way that we use social media as parents, as adults, can be a reflection—the tip of the iceberg.

Lynn Smith: That's such a good point. I know I've been guilty of having my sons say to me, “Mom, you're always on your phone.” And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm trying to discipline them about screen time; whereas I'm just sitting on my phone. This is why I love this conversation, and it's so important. We've talked about parents and how it affects us. Let's talk about how it affects each age group’s emotional wellness, especially with respect to some of these devices, for example, babies and toddlers. What do parents need to know about that?
 

Dr. Sonu: I think the general approach here is to think about what other things or activities with our infants and toddlers screen time takes us away from. We know that early childhood is this period of rapid growth, rapid brain development. There are phases I remember with my children where it's every day they were learning something new. They were doing something different. It's a really dynamic period. There's a lot happening inside the brain. In the first couple years of life, the brain has this amazing process in which these neurons, they're there, but they're finding each other, and neurons are wiring together. Entire systems like muscle coordination and balance and eyesight and speech, they're coming online with time. The catch is that the development of these critical milestones are experience dependent. Genetics do play some role, but it is really the sort of post-natal or afterbirth experiences, that ecology of experiences that can stimulate or delay development of typical milestones.

 

And by far, we also know that consistent, attuned, nurturing, responsive interactions are like pouring good fertilizer on the brains of babies and toddlers. This is why a lot of pediatricians have the view that, if possible, we do want to limit the exposure of screens to our youngest children. Screens cannot do what humans can do when it comes to stimulating healthy brain development, at least at this early age. Infants and toddlers, they do best with face-to-face time, and I don't say that as if that's an easy thing to do all the time.

 

One thing I want to say very clearly about this is that there's so much shame and guilt that we impose on ourselves as parents when it comes to this. It's impossible not to feel that way. We feel tension in so many different directions because we know what might not be good for us, what is good for us, and at the same time we know that these are really strong currents in our culture that are pulling us in directions that we may not want to go. I've had parents come into the clinic, and their child is maybe 9 months, 12 months. I've heard parents say, “My child is watching this educational program, and this is how I'm teaching them colors and numbers and different language milestones.” To that, I would say, “I could see why we would be compelled to show an educational program thinking that this actually might be a benefit for our young baby, but the research is actually quite clear on this. Babies learn best with face-to-face interaction with their caregiver if that's nurturing and responsive and attuned. They don't learn as well with just being put in front of an educational program without that sort of co-engagement with their caregiver.”

 

There's a tension here. I'm definitely in the camp of parents have to do what they have to do, and they’ve got to take care of themselves if they need a break. Do not feel guilty, please, but in general, we should be thinking about what are the ways I am able to connect my child. What are the ways that I do have face-to-face time? Do I have uninterrupted or non-distracted face-to-face time regularly with my child? I think those are better questions to ask in the context of how we think about screen time.

Lynn Smith: Such a good point. And it also makes me wonder, is there an impact on infants when the parents are using screens?

Dr. Sonu: That's a good question. I remember this controversy coming out six or seven years ago. There were some articles written about texting while breastfeeding. It was bad for your baby. It is okay in my book as long as we're mindful of some of the potential consequences at the extremes of this kind of pattern of use. Balance is always something that we want to strive for, but I don't know what it's like to breastfeed, obviously, but that middle of the night feed can be grueling, lonely. It can be a time of despair for a lot of mothers. It's tiring, especially if mom has to work the next day. Sometimes those screens can be a way to wake up, stay awake, make sure you don't fall asleep on your baby. For me, I think mom, do what you got to do and don't feel guilty about that.

 

Now on balance. At the extremes, the things to look out for are being distracted, right? If we're chronically on the phone with every feed, day or night, that can lead to missed opportunities for connection. It can lead to overfeeding or missing satiety cues in our infant. That's when it converts into causing some harm. It can be easy to let time slip away when we're on our phones, and it can then bleed into other activities like meals. The other day, I caught myself looking at my phone while brushing my teeth and I was like, “What, why? I can't even put my phone down to brush my teeth.” If we're not mindful, we can find ourselves more and more compulsively checking our phones when historically we had boundaries around those times.

Lynn Smith: Let's talk about the restaurant, because how many times have all of us been on our phones? There are times when I just see an entire family—the kids have the earphones on the entire dinner. The parents are on their phone, and I never judge. Zero judgment. But, can you just talk to us about what is appropriate and what isn't?

Dr. Sonu: This question is a landmine. No matter where I step, I'm going to get into trouble.

Lynn Smith: Tell us the truth. It's better to tell us the truth.

Dr. Sonu: I think society needs to give parents a break. I've been in a lot of restaurants in which I see people throwing shade at families or making a little murmured comments—commenting that the children that are on their tablets and their phones. And honestly, I don't think it's helpful. Sustained behavior change never happens in the context of shame. You never know what kind of situation a family is in. You never know the circumstances that led to them trying to enjoy a night out with their family. Maybe the babysitter fell through. Maybe without the screens, the kids are running all over the place, knocking things over. Maybe they have a child with special needs and sensory overload, and the screens are a way to help that child feel regulated in a crowded restaurant because they're overwhelmed. You just never know. Like any other social situation, Lynn, like you said, it's not cool to judge. I say all this because I think if there was less shame or stigma around this, we could actually have some more productive conversations about it.

 

The second thing I'll say is, I don't think any parent or parents are thrilled when it takes screen time to get their child to sit calmly at the dinner table. I don't think anybody is like, “This is great. I'm so glad I need to have this tool to get them to sit at the table.” I think most parents would probably want their child to be able to just sit at the table and enjoy a meal without the screen. The eyes of the parent or parents in the situation really say, “If you knew, if you only knew how hard it was, you would understand.” I believe that. I don't often find much utility in listing off the reasons for why we should consider limiting screen time use at the dinner table. I think that kind of goes without saying. Obviously, there are benefits to when children can participate in mealtime without screens. They are more available for conversation, for interactions, for storytelling. There are tons of benefits. I think a lot of parents know that.

 

The challenge in the situation is that there are many different reasons for the arrangement of screens at the dinner table for the children. I think that also means that there's not a “one size fits all” solution out of it. If there is a desire to change that pattern, one useful place to start is in asking some deeper questions about why that pattern developed or why it was necessary in the first place. For example, we might have unrealistic expectations for a toddler's behavior in a busy restaurant with a long wait time. A deeper take on that might be if we feel an intense sense of shame, embarrassment or humiliation if our child acts out in public. It's developmentally appropriate for them to do that, right? In this circumstance, part of weaning from the screen at the dinner table would have to include the parent saying, “I actually need to be okay with a tantrum or more okay with a tantrum in public settings because it's a normal way for my child to express himself. It's not a reflection of my value or worth or how I'm doing as a parent.”
 

Lynn Smith: We've talked about babies and toddlers. We talked about parents. Let's talk about screen time in school age kids, especially because this is the age where they want to play games.

Dr. Sonu: Games are variable in terms of how engaging, how dopamine stimulating they can be. I do recommend in general knowing what video games your children are playing. If that's a game that your child is already playing, I would consider watching or playing with your child or coming up with strategies together and how to build things instead of letting your child play alone, because I've heard some awful stories.

Lynn Smith: Actually, Dr. Sonu, we had on this podcast in the first season. We heard from a mom whose child became a victim of online sexual exploitation while playing. I want to point out to our listeners, if you want to check that out, it was the second episode of our first season. That was such an important episode, and I learned a lot. I think your advice is spot on there.

 

For teens, what about things like social media? We heard from Wendy that her children would have a harder time developing relationships, friendships. What advice do you have because this is the way that this generation communicates?

 

Dr. Sonu: First, I'll acknowledge that there are benefits that social media can confer. The research in my reading has shown maybe three general buckets of positives. One of them is social media can be this outlet for teenagers to express themselves creatively through art, music, writing, et cetera. Secondly, social media can be a place where teens can access mental health resources. There's an increase in help-seeking behaviors that research has found. The third one, and this is the one that Wendy is alluding to, is that social media, like it or not, is one of the most prominent mechanisms in our modern world for teens to feel connected. Social media is social capital. Not every group of teenagers is like this, but many are. Being on social media is not the same as hanging out with your friends face to face, but it is a mechanism of feeling seen and being in the mix with a social group. That is a real issue. It's a big deal in their life. It does demand a kind of attention and sensitivity on the part of caregivers.

 

There are well established, well documented harms with social media. I think if there's any consensus when it comes to research on screen time, it is social media's negative impact on teenagers. It's a predictive factor in mental health problems, decreased satisfaction in girls in early adolescent ages, 11 to 13. It does the same in boys who are a little older, 14 to 16. There was a well-known study with 14-year-old teenagers that found that increased social media use was associated with things like poor sleep, poor body image, lower self-esteem, higher depression scores, even online harassment. That was seen more prominently in girls than boys. Our sense of caution as parents for social media in our teenagers is definitely for good reason.

 

In terms of strategies, how to approach this, there are no easy answers here. During the adolescent stage of development, the prefrontal cortex is developing in full force. Identity formation is developing or is happening in full force. It’s especially fragile and susceptible to peer opinions, comparisons and other social pressures. There is a growing realization of agency that teens can make more decisions for themselves. Along with that more comes more risk- taking behavior. There's an increased emotional intensity expressed through various passions or questions about life. There's a rise in thinking independently of not just automatically accepting what mom or dad has to say but comparing their words, their advice, their perspective against the library of their own experiences. There's a desire for novelty and creative exploration, and there's this profound jump in desire to have friends, to be socially connected and known amongst peers with a relative decrease of that kind of desire or energy within the home.

 

There’s a lot going inside the adolescent brain, and this is precisely why addressing screen time use and social media use is so hard. We have to understand that as background context. Wendy's already doing a wonderful job with this—keeping those lines of communication open and having open communication that is based on curiosity, not fear or directives or judgment.

It like a very subtle nuance there—having a conversation based on curiosity can invite questions. It can invite your teenager to offer their perspectives, help them feel like what they're thinking about this and their opinions and their thoughts actually matter.

 

When we come from a place of fear or judgment, or “I'm going to tell you I want to have this conversation, but I'm going to tell you what to do.” Teenagers are really good at detecting that. They have a radar for that in a way. They will sniff out that sort of disingenuous sentiment, and that can make the conversation more difficult. There might be layers or walls that get put up, and make it difficult for the parents to really know what their teenager is thinking about.

The second thing I would add to that last point is that there's tons of education that we can do with our teenagers about healthy use of social media, even though a lot of that is still being explored. In my experience from talking with parents in clinic, one of the best ways to do that is through vulnerability and personalization. Yes, teenagers need to be informed about the absolute no nos. At the same time, teenagers greatly appreciate when their parents can appear more human to them and share how social media has affected them and how as a parent, I have played the comparison game. I have felt the pang of envy. I have felt a bit worse about myself. After seeing someone's amazing vacation in Fiji for the third time. Right? “Are y'all going to Italy? I want to know where you get the money.” That’s a wonderful opportunity to educate through a personalized account of how these platforms have affected us. Like Wendy mentioned, it's all about role modeling and being real with our experiences with our teenagers.

 

None of this is a foolproof way of coming to a solid, static agreement with your teenager about social media. It's going to be dynamic, but it can help create those channels of communication, which is perhaps the best we can do in this kind of situation. Like it or not, social media is here. Our children and our teenagers will be exposed to it. They will have friends who are using it. It is a reality and we have to figure out how to adapt in the most healthy, transparent, productive, and supportive way as possible.

Lynn Smith: I want to bring the moms back in because I don't think there's ever been an episode where I have seen as much head shaking up and down as this episode because it's such a wealth of information. And that's why I want to go around to each of you and ask you, are you going to do anything differently?

I'll start, I will be inspired by Wendy and probably not do phones until sixth grade. I will be more intentional when social media becomes a part of my children's lives to really have deep dive conversations with them about what the effects of it are so that they're using it properly. I'm also going to be more cognizant of the fact that TV is screen time. Even though I've tried to avoid tablets, we've had days where it's three hours on the TV and that's the same. How can we incorporate some more balance?

Marquita, I want to start with you. Is there anything that you're going to be doing differently with your family?

 

Marquita Kirk: I am going to definitely take the doctor's advice and just learn a little bit more about the games that they're playing and what they're watching. I’ll look for opportunities for me to actually sit down and play a game with them, engage with them, and watch a show or a movie with them, asking questions and being more involved.
 

Lynn Smith: Marquita, thank you so much for sharing all the insights. Meredith, what about you? What will you be doing differently?

Meredith Huffaker: It's so helpful being the one with the youngest children on this panel today. I know in my mind that these things are coming, but just to hear how everybody else is handling these things, and that if I am struggling with how to handle the limited amount of screen time that my kids have now and the consequences from that, I'm going to have to get this handled now and figure out a good way to control it and communicate with them. That way it's not a larger issue as they get older.

I’ll try little things like bringing extra coloring books and little things for them to play with at the restaurant rather than the screens. My kids know, even if I don't bring the screens, “You have your phone, mommy, I know you've got stuff on there I can watch.” I’ll encourage them to do things like coloring and doing something else, packing extra toys to play with in the car, rather than letting them watch the tablets the whole time we're in the car.

 

Starting now with limiting it as much as I can, and then that way it won't be such a huge hurdle as they get older. It's so scary how even my 2 year old knows how to swipe open my phone. She's holding her little fake phone, playing with it, just moving her little finger as fast as she can, because she's scrolling on it. I'm like, “Oh my gosh, she sees me do this, and she's doing it on her pretend phone.” It’s so scary how they know so much more than we ever knew at their age and really trying to control the inevitable and hoping that I can be a good role model for them.

Lynn Smith: That's the thing about being a parent is no matter how old your kids are, you're all in it together. It's all hard for every age. Wendy, what about you?

Wendy Palmer: I have loved this dialogue today. Hearing Dr. Sonu talk about removing that shame and judgment we place on ourselves as parents is what I need to take away from this conversation and having that dialogue even with my husband. For our kids, talk about the positive aspects of social media and screen time, not just the negative aspects. They’re used to us saying, “Put your phone down. No more television,” really focusing on all the things they can't do. If I have learned anything as my boys have gotten older, is that approach just does not work anymore. Engaging with them in a more positive way about how they utilize screens, from video games to approaching it with curiosity and having dialogue, allowing them to share what they do enjoy about it and allowing that to be okay at the same time.

Lynn Smith: Yeah, and just like we say, “we don't judge other parents,” we need to remind ourselves we shouldn't judge ourselves. That's something that is harder to do. I have one last question for you, Dr. Sonu. Is there any beneficial screen time? There's been so much talk about how everything's terrible.

Is there something that can be beneficial for our kids because it's here to stay?

Dr. Sonu: There are definitely studies that have highlighted some of the benefits of screen time. There’s content that has been assessed to be of higher quality and safer for children because they're less stimulating, less flashing images, loud sounds, less rapid transitions between scenes. You're going to find a lot of these programs on PBS. I can see the middle schoolers right now eye rolling at that suggestion, but those are a safe bet at least for younger children.

I think the key around any screen time, if you want to make it beneficial, is interacting with them, especially for young children. For me, this kind of liberates the opportunities and options when it comes to screen time, because I have found, even with my own children, that if I sit next to them as they're watching something, and I've got the remote, and I'm hitting pause and asking what we're seeing and what's going to happen. I'm asking my daughter, “Hey, what does this person feel right now when that happens?” I'm asking my 8 year old, “Hey, what do you think the bigger issue is?” You can actually turn any kind of screen time into an opportunity for interaction. I say that to liberate the parents that I see in clinic, because there's a ton of different content out there. There's a gazillion shows now that children can watch. It can feel overwhelming. I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but I do think there are some benefits of playing video games. Video games can be a great way for interaction, for deliberate interaction between parent and child.

Some of the benefits that have been cited in research include problem solving and creating strategies and improving dexterity. Other benefits are developing fine motor skills, self-control, dealing with failures or micro failures. Not all screen time, not all video games should be perceived as things to fear or all negative. There are ways that we can leverage these tools and resources into opportunities for interaction and education.
 

Lynn Smith: I cannot thank you enough for the information that you provided for us today. I know that it has helped me tremendously as a parent. I see everybody else shaking their head as well. And Meredith, Wendy, Marquita, thank you for sharing your own struggles and maybe some of your successes as well and some of the things that you're going to be working on as we all are as parents, we're constantly working to be the best parent that we can be, so thank you all for joining me. This has just been one of my favorite episodes.
 

To learn more insight and tips from our talented team of specialists and caregivers, be sure to subscribe or follow Hope and Will wherever you stream your podcasts. To access Strong4Life resources aimed at helping you navigate screen time conversations with your own kids, visit choa.org/podcasts where we're going to give you a wealth of information and resources.

I'm Lynn Smith and this has been Hope and Will, a parenting podcast from Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.