Keeping Kids Safe Online

Lynn Smith: Back in the early days of this podcast, we did an episode that cast a light on dangers that exist when kids play games online. That episode sparked a lot of aha moments for listeners, and that's exactly why we're back for round two, this time tackling the broader topic of parenting kids in our digital age. Devices and apps advertised for kids still require a lot of hands-on support from parents. With predators hiding in plain sight on popular apps, the risks are real and growing, especially as AI becomes more pervasive. Nearly one in five teens say they have sent a sex message via text.

Think about that if you've ever handed a child a smartphone gaming device or tablet and hope for the best. This is a conversation not to miss. We're joined today by Traci Hurley and Anne Huegel, whose careers have evolved to use their unique backgrounds to help to educate kids and parents about the dangers that exist in seeking seemingly safe places online. It's all too easy to have a false sense of security with seemingly familiar technology, and they're on a mission to change that. Stay with us as we uncover what's happening behind those screens and what you can do to keep your kids safe. Before we dive in, I want to give warning that listener discretion is advised. This episode discusses sensitive topics that may not be suitable for kids. Parents are encouraged to listen first and use judgment before sharing with others.

Tracy and Ann, thank you so much for being on the show. Tracy, I want to start with you. In your role on the Prevention and Training team at the Stephanie V. Blank Center for Safe and Healthy Children at Children’s, you're responsible for developing prevention programs, also training. You focus on commercial sexual export, exploitation of children, child sexual abuse prevention, body safety and digital safety. In this practice, you've unfortunately seen and heard so many stories of what can go wrong when kids are online. Can you just give us some of the scenarios? What have you seen that parents need to look out for?

Traci Hurley: I see and hear a ton from different families that we interact with in the community. One story that comes to mind. A young teenager comes into our clinic for a forensic interview and an exam. This story involves sextortion. I know Anne will define that later for us. In the episode, this child was being exploited and harassed, blackmailed with intimate photos that he had shared, thinking that he was speaking consensually to the opposite sex. He was male, he thought he was talking to a female of the same age. Somebody was just using some trickery and deception. Once that person had those photos, they used that to their advantage, blackmailed them to eventually end up meeting in person.

This individual was making the child perform sex acts on camera, having the child perform sex acts in person, as well, and then saving that material for further blackmail and further assault. This went on for a couple of months until the child felt they had enough support and was brave enough to come forward and share that story with school professionals. The school reported it to law enforcement, and they were able to apprehend that perpetrator. When they apprehended the perpetrator and looked through his things, they realized he had done this to about 15, 20 other boys and had also had access to hundreds, if not thousands of different child sexual abuse material files on his personal devices. It's very jarring, but we see tons of interactions like that happening in our community.

Lynn Smith: Is there any kind of online interaction that begins in some sort of a pattern, maybe a commonplace or forum themes to look out for, to know that this is something that's not innocent but more dangerous?

Traci Hurley: I try not to pick on any app or game specifically because if you focus too much on one, you might miss trying to put in some safety settings or restricting another app. Generally, these interactions can start through any social media platform, anything that has two-way communication, and surprisingly, online video games. Just as with social media, folks will find vulnerable children through video games because they play together and they're sharing stories. They're sharing camaraderie, and they're chatting with other people online. Generally, it's making a connection with the child. It's finding a vulnerability with a child. They will pinpoint children that they think, “Wow, they overshare so much already this child's comfortable with sharing more information online, so this might be an easy target.” They start building a rapport with these children. The grooming process starts in that stage.

They'll connect with them online, and they'll figure out what their needs are. Are they having issues at home? Are they having issues with self-esteem or mental health? They'll use those vulnerabilities and start building a relationship, meeting their needs, being a shoulder to cry on, being someone they can talk to and rely on. The red flag starts asking too many personal questions, trying to have adult conversations, asking too much about themselves, having too much in common, flattery. Generally, that happens throughout the social media app or the video game. Eventually, they're going to be asked to move the conversation to a more private platform that can be difficult to monitor. Something that's a little bit more private that most parents may not know to monitor or can't monitor well, and they will usually use that app to continue the grooming process there.

Lynn Smith: That's really insightful. Anne, I want to bring you in because you bring a different insight. You taught elementary school for 10 years. You have this wealth of knowledge. From what you saw during your years in the classroom. What kind of trends did you notice?

Anne Huegel: I first started teaching in 2014. Technology has evolved so much since then. When I first started teaching, they would play games that plug into the wall. Fast forward to 10 years later. I was teaching first grade, and I would hear things like, “I'm using my phone to get on a certain game. They wanted to meet up online.” These were 6-year-olds.

Lynn Smith: I think back to when I was a kid and played video games. It was so innocent, so analog. They've evolved. It's always been a part of our culture, but what makes them so much more dangerous?

Anne Huegel: You would be amazed when we go out into the community and ask the youth, “Are you talking to people online that you might not know a stranger?” You would be amazed how many children raise their hand. Like we said earlier, the act on the child could be very innocent. On the opposite end, the situation could go very south.

Lynn Smith: All of these things make me want to say, “We need to start having conversations with our kids about this.” It's really challenging to know how. What's age appropriate? Tracy, we often hear the traditional, “Don't talk to strangers.” You know, stranger danger. What is the most effective way to talk to our kids? You say there's a problem with saying, “Don't talk to strangers.”

Traci Hurley: We've seen it with don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't drink. We have to teach them how to handle these risky situations and avoid them without just saying, “Don't do it.” We have to lead them to the correct ways of having these interactions and avoiding the interactions. They are hardwired to push boundaries. If we say, “Just don't do it.” They're hardwired to say, “What if I did do it? What if I did try it?” If they push it, and we don't teach them what to do and how to handle those situations, then they're going to be in much more risk. They may not hear these stories that are happening to children all over the world of being exploited or harmed or abused online. They might not see it happening with their friends. When we say it as adults, we lose all of our credibility because those things aren't happening to them in real life.

This generation of children, they are the smartest when it comes to learning the tricks and the sidelines of how to use technology. They're also the most vulnerable in the fact that they have been posting online and absorbing so much digital content for most of their lives. Most of them don't really see the full risk in talking with people they don't know in real life. Oftentimes, they don't truly see online individuals as strangers. They feel like they know these people. They're more comfortable having those online interactions.

Lynn Smith: It's important to note who exactly these predators are that we are warning our kids about, because they might assume it's kind of like the older guy or something like that. It's important to inform them that that's not always the case.

Traci Hurley: Anytime we go out and are talking, even with our littles, even pre-kindergarten, and we say, “Who can you be online” Most of them, 99.9 percent of the time will say, “Anyone. You can be anyone you want to be.” Like the story I shared at the beginning, we had a young early teenager being exploited by a late teenager. It was not the creepy old man hanging out in a basement somewhere. It can be close in age. It can be teachers. It can be normal neighborhood individuals that we see and talk to every day. It really can be anybody.

Lynn Smith: I just started letting my kids use video games, and we keep it in the family room so that we can see everything that they're playing. I saw all these other characters around asked my son, “Who's that?” He said it’s a whole bunch of people all over the world, and I was like, “Wait a second, what?” Ann, since the pandemic, there are so many video games that actually became a form of social interaction for children and they are relying on it. As parents, there are concerns. That's why we're having this conversation. What are some options to safeguard our kids rather than just taking it away from them?

Anne Huegel: I wanted to point out that you said that you were watching your child on this video game. That is a very smart thing to do as a parent, being involved in their gaming process. We tell our parents to play with them. Ask those questions. Talk about the “what if’s” before a game is played. Go into those gaming platforms’ privacy settings. Disable public chat and private chat. A lot of the times when you download an app or you download a game, they will default those settings.

Lynn Smith: Traci, what age is appropriate to start bringing technology into our children's lives? People are starting giving their kids a tablet at the age of two or even earlier. What about phones, social media, video games? What are the appropriate ages?

Traci Hurley: If you're thinking about bringing any internet-connected device into the home, a smartphone, we want to make sure we're not doing that until about eighth grade, so maybe 13, 14, and then not allowing them to have social media until about the age of 16. You want to ask yourself before giving the device, “What's the purpose of the phone and what's the purpose of the social media?” Are we giving it to them because their friends have it, and they're getting peer pressured into having these devices. They don't want to be left out. What is their maturity level? Are they mature? Can they follow the rules at home? Can they follow the rules at school? If not, want to second guess doing that. If they are struggling with following rules, whether it's at home or at school, then they're not going to be able to follow the rules when it comes to a digital environment either. The last question I always like to ask parents or caregivers considering bringing technology into the home—the most important question regardless of the child's age or maturity—is are you ready to responsibly monitor the technology within your home? If you're not, life is just too much right now, it's too overwhelming and you can't fathom bringing all of the parental controls and the safety settings and the monitoring into the home, it's okay to wait another year. If we can't monitor it as adults, then we're setting them up for even more risk if we're not ready to monitor it.

Lynn Smith: My boys are 6 and 9. They're heavily involved in one of those games where you build cities. This is something they were exposed to at school. That is well before your recommendation of 13 or 14 years old. Some parents might think there's no way I can keep them away from this because they saw all of their friends doing it. What do you say to some of those parents that have those reservations? The stories that you talked about aren't things that are happening in the news. These are things that are happening all across Georgia every day. You see it firsthand. I've heard these stories with my friends.

Traci Hurley: The peer pressure is there. As adults, we feel pressure. The kids feel pressure. When I first started as a family educator, it was jarring to see how much parents struggled with the pressure of feeling like they are hindering their child's development if they don't have access to video games, social media or a smartphone or to a phone in general. At the end of the day, if we fall into the peer pressure, we're mirroring for them later in life that certain things are okay if we feel pressured enough to make it happen. zwe want to make sure that we're mirroring for them, “I know that you're wanting it, but for right now, this is the rules in our home.” I know that's really hard.

If you're worrying about location, if you're co-parenting with another person or you're sending them over with Papa, MeMaw or Nana and you're worried if they’re getting off the bus. If you want to track their location and be able to get in touch with them, there are devices that are made with parental controls built into them. They help you have a safer experience with your child while also being able to connect with them and monitor their location without giving them a brand-new smartphone.

Lynn Smith: Parents also may not realize how big of a risk this is because they're oftentimes sharing so much of their children's information. Ann, tell us about sharenting. What is that?

Anne Huegel: This is actually a fairly new term. Sharenting is when parents share images of their child without their consent. These images can be manipulated by AI. It can alter the image to create a more intimate image of the child. And I know, as a parent, I am guilty of sharing my daughter, who's two, online. You have to ask yourself if this is something that when my child is 16 years old, she's going to be proud of or will she wonder why I shared that image?

Try to avoid sharing images of potty training or something that would reveal something that's a little bit more intimate about your child. A lot of parents, including myself, are guilty of sharing about their child online because we're proud. It's coming from a place where we love, and we just want to show the world. We have to be cognizant of what we're sharing.

Lynn Smith: AI changed everything for me in the sense that I had started to read more into what can happen. These images can be used in really terrible ways. I don't show their faces anymore. I've tried to educate myself on some of the dangers. It's not worth it from what I understand can happen. Traci, can you explain how AI plays a royal role here in the exploitation of our kids?

Traci Hurley: The fear with AI and the struggle that we've seen in the child protection world and throughout our society is individuals using AI for harm—taking an innocent photo of a child or of a person and using AI to disrobe that person and create an extremely realistic photo, a nude photo of somebody without their consent. I know the word deepfake is used quite a bit. A deepfake essentially is a fake image, but it looks so real that you can't really tell. I tell parents and caregivers when I'm training that there are apps that you can download, take a picture of me and create a nude image of me standing here. It looks so real.

Lynn Smith: I want to get your take on sexting. It seems impossible for us to comprehend that we'd be using this term in reference to children and teens, but this is happening. I understand 19 percent of teens say they have sent a sex message and almost 35 percent say they've received a sext message.

Anne Huegel: For those that don't know, sexting is when someone sends or receives explicit images via text message. The biggest risk factor that plays in to sexting is sextortion, which Traci mentioned earlier. Sextortion is when someone threatens to expose a sexual image to make someone do something they don't want to do, like send money or more photos. In addition to blackmail, explicit content of children can be sold, traded or used to bully someone or to take out revenge, perhaps after a breakup. Getting that revenge after a breakup can also be called revenge porn.

Lynn Smith: Many people might wonder why there hasn’t been anything done outside of the home on a legislative level? There is recent legislation that was just passed. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Traci Hurley: The “Take It Down” act was officially signed into law May of 2025. It addresses the growing issue of nonconsensual intimate imagery, often referred to as revenge porn, like Anne said, and the misuse of deep fake technology to create harmful content. We're seeing a shift in laws being created or updated to include modern technology, like AI. It's very reassuring. I love that we're moving in that direction to protect our children from internet crimes. It's important for children and parents to know that they can contact law enforcement or make a report to the FBI tip line immediately if they are being harassed, whether it's a real image of themselves or an AI-generated picture of themselves for money or more pictures. If they're being exploited online, it's a crime. We want to make sure that people know that. You can go to law enforcement about that.

Folks also can use the Take It Down online service through the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. It is a reporting service that helps you remove sexually explicit photos and videos taken before you were of the age of 18. There are many resources out there to help navigate this type of issue. Legislation is starting to amp up those resources and help families navigate that deeply troubling issue like sextortion or revenge porn.

Lynn Smith: So much of this is awareness. We wanted to do this episode because there are some serious red flags parents can look out for when monitoring your kid’s activity. Traci, can you walk us through what the red flags are and then how to communicate them to our children?

Traci Hurley: Anyone lying about their age or not wanting to tell your child their age should be a large concern. Then, of course, if there is an age difference. If somebody is outwardly saying, “I'm 27 and I'm talking to an 8-year-old kid on a video game,” that should be a very big concern. Anyone that is trying to have adult topic conversations—trying to have more private questions, asking your child too many questions about their personal lives and any type of role playing. If we see any boyfriend, girlfriend, boo thing, honey, king, queen, babe … we want to avoid any type of internet relationships. Private questions about your family, “Where do your parents work? What do they do for work? What time do they get home from work?” We want to remind them that their personal information also includes the family information. Anyone that is trying to ask private information about you or the family is a big concern. And if anyone is trying to keep secrets, encouraging secrecy or trying to isolate a child away from the people that are taking care of them or that love them, that should be a large concern.

Anyone trying to send money or send gifts to a child should be a very big red flag. They may say, “I had some extra game tokens, and you're so good at this game that I wanted you to have them.” We want to avoid those types of interactions. Block those people, report those people. If they're trying to have sexually explicit conversations, or they're sending them any type of sexually explicit material … a lot of people think, “Well, of course. No way. We would absolutely avoid these individuals.” The reason I mention this is because this is a part of the grooming process. If somebody is sending this to a child, they're trying to lower their inhibitions of saying that, “This is wrong,” because it's happened so many times and it's not terrible when it starts, right? They're kind of amping it up every time they send a photo or a video.

Lynn Smith: We should point out kids and teen are much more vulnerable in digital spaces because they're not developed. They have sexual curiosity. They're in inclined to overshare because they don't know some of the dangers. It's important to be aware of some of the ways that they are more vulnerable and what we can say to them to get them to understand how to react if they do experience any of the things Traci went through. Don't just say, “Don't talk to strangers,” because they actually will be more inclined to be rebellious if you just tell them not to do something. What are the things we should be saying to them to get real results?

Anne Huegel: One of the things that we say to the youth when we go out into the community is whenever they are in a situation that makes them feel uncomfortable or threatened to go to a safe adult. A safe adult is anybody they can trust, whether that's a parent, teacher, or somebody in their family. Don’t just react. Go tell your trusted safe adult. If the situation is severe, block and report. Block and report is a great function that these apps and platforms have to keep them safe.

Lynn Smith: Traci, what do you say to parents as they leave this conversation? What can they do today to get themselves on the right track and keep their kids protected?

Anne Huegel: Education is key. Don't feel like you have to take on the world by yourself. It is hard to enforce rules. It is hard to feel empowered when you log on and your child has 45 different apps and video games. Remind yourself that education is power and that there is a village out there of different resources, like the National Center for Missing and Exploited Childrenthat has education, so you can teach your children. You're not alone in that. You don't have to make up the lessons that you talk about. Whether that's around the dinner table or in the car on your way home from school, there are resources out there for you. Strong4Life is one.

 It is hard. That pressure is hard. We feel like we're neglecting their childhood a little bit if we don't let them have what every other child has. Take that pressure, and turn it into empowerment. Being online is a privilege. It is not a right. If I get into my car and I drive crazy and reckless and I hurt somebody, or if I don't even hurt somebody, I'm just driving terribly, my license can be revoked. Driving is a privilege. These things that we have in our everyday life and that we become dependent on, we tend to think is a right, but it's not. It's a privilege. If your child cannot handle technology right now—they're not mature enough for it, they're not at a good age for it—they will be okay to wait another year. They will be okay if you set limits or if you take their devices away because it's a privilege, it's not a right. Something that can be helpful is online safety agreements. There are tons out there. You can find some on the Strong4Life website. They help you set limits, restrictions, expectations, what the rules are, what the consistency is, and they're helpful for setting everybody up for success. You're not alone in the fear. If you need anything, Children's is here to help.

Lynn Smith: Traci and Anne, such good and important information. Thanks for being with us. To access resources to help you navigate the things discussed today, head to choa.org podcasts. We are going to link to a lot of resources from the Children's Strong4Life team that include cyberbullying resources, monitoring applications, parental controls and healthy tech habits. I'm Lynn Smith and this has been Hope and Will, a parenting podcast from Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.

This podcast is for general informational and educational purposes only. It is not to be considered medical advice for any particular patient. Clinicians must rely on their own informed clinical judgments when making recommendations for their patients. Patients in need of medical or behavioral advice should consult their family healthcare providers.